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May 8, 2009 at 1:03 am ET
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Photoshop Fridays: Maldonado, League, Bush, Zito

Beyond my passion for penning near-readable blog posts, I enjoy the finer things in life – baseball, insufferable puns and poorly crafted Photoshop renderings. You’re cordially invited to indulge in the infusion of all of those things each and every Friday. So come in, and enjoy a private gallery viewing on this most glorious Photoshop Friday.

Riding a two-week Photoshop hot streak, I realized while assembling this week’s edition that they, in fact, cannot all be winners. On the whole, I’m not entirely proud of any of these. But just as Lethal Weapon 2 proved a necessary – yet unimpressive - component to bridge Lethal Weapon and Lethal Weapon 4 (did they even make a Lethal Weapon 3?), so does this Photoshop Friday to whatever grandiose, possibly Chris Rock-featuring, future edition.

cottoncandymaldonodo“Cotton Candy Maldonado” - Candido “Candy” Maldonado was one of those players you couldn’t help but know. 

No matter if it was due to his 14 seasons in the Majors, his unique namesake, the seven teams he played for – you’ve heard of Candy Maldonado. He was like the level-headed, less talented Milton Bradley of the ’80s and ’90s.

When buying baseball cards as a kid, there’d inevitably be two or three worthless Candy Maldonado’s in almost every pack I opened. About a year ago, I tested this occurrence again when I stumbled on some unopened packs of 1990 Donruss at a hobby shop. Sure enough, Maldonado’s below average, yet somehow lengthy career still managed to haunt my card buying experience from its grave. Two of these Maldonado MVP inserts (sans cotton) emerged, much to my chagrin. I forget… did he end up winning MVP in 1990?

bakedzito“Baked Zito” - As evidenced in previous posts, I’m proudly a Barry Zito supporter. What can I say? I just like the cut of his jib. Even as both his annual salary and his ERA climb ever higher, I still maintain the belief that he’s a good pitcher. The fact that I’m not a Giants fan probably makes it an easier belief to hold on to.

Pasta, too, has been suspect to much haterdom of late. With the phrase “Lo-Carb” ingrainded into the American diet trend lexicon, noodles and cream-based sauces are now about as popular as Barry Zito. Like with Zito, I haven’t abandoned pasta, but unlike the well-compensated lefty, pasta is cheap as fuck and always awesome. Add some unnecessary spices to some storebought sauce and you’re like renown Cajun chef Dom Deluise Paul Prudhomme to the opposite sex.

I love pasta and knowingly overvalue Barry Zito – two things that were more popular to do five years ago. And, not sure if you picked this up, but “Zito” kind of sounds like “ziti.”

bushleague“Bush League” - Legend has it, when Dave Bush and Brandon League were coming up in the Jays system, they forged a bond as teammates for A-advanced Dunedin in 2003. They promised one another that they’d do whatever they could to help the other’s career, even – as was discussed – if one of them lost the lower half of his body.

This is a rendition of what their promise brought to fruition would look like. You have to admit the conjoined hurlers of “BushLeague” would be a fearsome force if ever assembled… you know, except the Brandon League part.

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One Response to “Photoshop Fridays: Maldonado, League, Bush, Zito”
  1. Lou Manske says:

    Lou Manske likes this.

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